Tate was ordained a Deacon in the Aaronic Priesthood. And that part went quite well. He wore a white shirt. And a tie. A really nice tie2. We had discussed that Deacons are reverent and that Deacons tuck their shirts in. Also, they should probably keep their collars turned down. Bishop (kind, grandfatherly and easygoing) pointed this collar thing out in the interview3, referencing the picture of the First Presidency on the wall. Tate deftly pointed out that Joseph Smith wore his collar up. Bishop pulled the 6" bust of the Prophet Joseph from his credenza and was forced to admit Tate had him there4.
So for the rest of the week, and many, many times today, Tate was reminded that there were some keys to performance today: overt reverence, shirt tails tucked in, collar down. Especially while he was on the stand, next to the Bishop, being sustained by the members of the Ward.
Well, we almost got there. Here's a play by play of the day that will be remembered as long as neurons continue to fire in the Homestead Ward:
Bishop called Tate up to the stand. I absentmindedly closed the book Tate was looking at, so he had to open to the right page and mark it before he could leave the pew. Elapsed time: 7 seconds. (Whew!)
He hopped/bounced5 the 15 yards or so up to the stand. The last 5 yards also served to flip up his collar (several snickers-the vocal kind, not the candy kind). Elapsed time: 17 seconds.
After his flight up the stairs (3 of them) he paused, looked at the Bishop and untucked his shirt tails to many more audible laughs. Elapsed time: 20 seconds.
He stood quietly by the Bishop (on the Bishop's left, this will come to play in just a bit) while he was presented to be sustained. He did lean his head on the pulpit. Elapsed time: 40 seconds.
When he was asked to raise his hand to sustain himself, our sweet Bishop lifts Tate's right hand into the air. Right in front of the microphone. You see where I am going? Tate proceeded to tap his fingers on the microphone. So Bishop set Tate's hand down. Asks if any are opposed, gets no response and lets go of Tate's hand. At which point Tate raps his knuckles on the pulpit. Guess what? Our chapel has good acoustics! Tra La! Elapsed time: 1.25 minutes.
Cyndie and I look at each other and breathe a sigh that we've made it through this performance.
And then came the Encore! Really, there was an encore.
Tate walked about 3 steps away from the pulpit (still about 3 steps from the stairs), puts his hands on the banister, and proceeds to launch himself over the bulkhead and onto his backside on the floor. Elapsed time: 1.75 minutes.
Cyndie and I are mortified. At some point in Tate's effort, Bishop said, "No!" Then laughed and said, "Tate's a good kid.". There were more laughs. Fortunately, there were no horrified gasps, or judgmental ones either. Cyndie and I are mortified regardless.
And that was how our Sacrament meeting started.
So, thanks to Jeremy for his perspective. And thanks to Sandra, who wanted so much to tell Alex6 to take the pressure off Tate by doing exactly the same thing. If only she wasn't on the other side of the chapel at the time.
If the Kentucky Derby is "The Fastest Two Minutes in Sports", this was "The Longest Two Minutes in Church" and perhaps in my life.
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1 "Joseph Smith exited the stand like that all the time."
2 One that Cyndie got at DI for $2. Not the one Gwimi bought retail, presented to him on his birthday and for her efforts was told, "Thank you... but
3 In the interview, Tate also pointed out that the statue of the Christus looked like Plato. Bishop concurred. He's learning not to argue facts with Tate.
4
5 If you've seen him walk, you know.
6 RS Prez Sandra's son Alex was presented to be advanced to the office Teacher today. He was on the right side of the chapel preparing to pass the Sacrament. She was on the far left with her Husband. She told Cyndie, "It was great to see him up there today." Cyndie rolls eyes. Sandra empathetically says, "No, it really was great." Cyndie confesses that she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. Sandra says to laugh. "I wanted to tell Alex, 'Go do the exact same thing. Do it just like he did. Take the pressure off!'"
